I just had a bad sleep.Lots of recent happening in my life is haunting my mind now.It is my ego or just that im a big loser?

I have just realised how a big loser im.Everything seems to be falling apart in my life. Studies,CCA and all other activities i took part in.I thought i was good enough or sometimes the best for that positions but somehow i was not favoured in any way.Thats one thing.I was satisfied with my perpormance but others who saw me said i was performing badly.

One lesson learnt:Never judge and be satisfied with yourself,unless someone else says so.People judge you not vice-versa.

i have been trainning for almost a year now and i think i got better then when i started out.but still it is not good enough for him.what actually does he want from me.Tell me,Tell me,Tell me.he made me run like hell last year playing in the flank position and i was getting comfortable with that position and have some inner motivation to play then he put me upfront and play me as a striker.cant he see from the start that i know nuts about kicking and striking and that i think i cross better.ya maybe that the lesson learnt.never judge yourself.i know i have to practice and keep practicing till perfection but how can i do so in such a short time and without people or equiptment to train with?maybe im dubbed to be the next nizam.join soccer for two years and when the time comes to register players for the tournament,i''l be hacked from the team.ya interest alone is not good to confirm a place in the team.you must be born with the prowess in soccer.so in the mean time i will not give up yet and try to train hard to prove something.see how everything goes for the ajc tournament and the new bagde of j1 coming in and if i still see no light thenit is time to call a day and hang my boots.im just not born with the talent.sholuld have follow my heart and quit soccer last year and join tennis where i can be with sistaz and chio boos..

i was so excited and looking forward when i was told that yj is going to take part in GPA.i immediatly told shah i want to join.i was so damn eager to recite poem in a performance after the inter-jc competititon i took part in ,that performance during the mother tongue week and awallah dondang.but all this high hopes and dreams came tumbling and crashing down as soon as the practice commences.when the first poem was written at least i had my part but when they revamp the poem then everything was gone.i thought i had that voice to recite the poem and people have seen me and compliment me.at times i was damn pissed of with her.cant she see that i can sajak and had experince to back me up ?instead she asked someone who was intially not among the eight to help.in my opinion that guy is still new to reciting and needs lots of work.so i think im much a better candidate.again i dont see what she sees and what that other dominating guy sees.thankfully someone voice out asking why i didnt recite a single verse.so they tried to fit me in and gave me this one para.i seem more like a stuntman then the poet i should be.thanks to another soul that was shocked that i didint recite.when people dont need your service what can u do.i felt like backing out just because of ego sake but since i gave my ultimum to join GPA,i just can follow suit and be their puppet.it is just two weeks more to the performance and just give what i can.and after that it is over.im still pleading to give me more parts to recite.maybe i should give others a chance and exposure too.maybe im not such a good poet afterall or not close to being good.again lesson learnt.

in life people with power make the orders even though you may find it hard to accept.remember asyraf,people judge u not the other way round.your ego is too much and at times you may not be as good as you think.be humble.felt much better after venting out all this 'anger'.

NEVER JUGDE YOURSELF,THAT IS OTHER PEOPLE JOBS.